Fear.
When it comes down to it, it’s always fear.
Fear that stops you from making that phone call. Declaring your passion. Taking the leap. Climbing the mountain.
But do you know what you are REALLY afraid of?
And is your fear such a bad thing?
How many times in the last week, month, or year have you let fear stop you from taking action?
Why do you think that is?
I was talking to someone yesterday with a big vision. A vision for a new approach to solving the climate crisis.
Lo and behold, he has a lot of fear around it.
I asked him to tell me about times in the past when fear had been present but hadn’t stopped him.
He told me that in those moments, he had three things: Hope that he would be successful, a level of self belief in his capability to be successful, and a feeling or sense that it was the right thing to do.
Digging a bit deeper, he saw that his relationship to fear was that it was an obstacle.
Fear is something that blocks the path, and needs to be put aside, moved out of the way, climbed over, or under, or through.
His story about fear was that it was bad, an impediment, that when fear is present, the required action is to deal with the fear.
As I write this I have an image of fear as a highwayman, holding you up at gunpoint and robbing you of your silver and jewels.
I dug deeper.
I asked what else was he aware of in those moments when fear was present, and as he told me that all of those occasions were things that were really important to him, the energy shifted.
“Fear is a signpost pointing me towards what is important to me,” he said.
You think you need confidence, but you’re wrong
We all want to feel confident. It’s why we do trainings, read books, practice our talk in front of the mirror etc. etc.
We want the confidence BEFORE we do something.
But the truth is, it’s not confidence we need. It’s Courage.
In his book, Courage, Osho said:
“Courage is not the absence of fear. It is, rather, the total presence of fear, with the ability to face it.”
You see, courage is the ability to feel fear and take action anyway.
It is a different relationship with fear.
There is a famous line in The Godfather, Part 2 – “Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer,” or as Lyndon B Johnson supposedly said of his political enemies: “Better to have them inside the tent pissin’ out than outside pissin’ in.
Both of these phrases are relevant to the discussion on fear and courage.
Because most of us view fear as the enemy, but with the right kind of eyes, fear is your best friend.
As the person I was speaking to realised, fear is a signpost. We just don’t know how to read it.
It occurs as a ‘keep out’ sign, when in reality what it is saying is “everything you want is over here.”
And so fear is a compass. A tool that we can use to make sure we are headed in the direction of what is important.
And if there is no fear, well that might mean it’s not important, and perhaps you should rethink whether you should be doing it at all.
Michael Meade, the famous mythopoet, is the author of my favourite quote:
The point in youth, and at any point in life, is not to avoid trouble at all costs. The point is to find the right trouble to be in; for when in trouble we are closer to inner resources we did not know we had, and nearer to the knowing spirit that brought us to life in the first place
Where is the fear in your life?
Go there. Bring your friends courage and fear with you.
The confidence you seek is on the other side.