I used to describe my attempts at surfing as ‘trying not to drown.
I’m not a great surfer, but that’s only because I haven’t practiced surfing as much as I have practiced the things I’m good at.
This weekend, for the first time in my life, I actually felt good about surfing. I tried the shortest board I’ve ever used, and managed to stand up and ride a wave.
It wasn’t spectacular, by any means, and there were some significant moments of trying not to drown.
But every time I get out into the waves, I get better.
It’s obvious really, isn’t it?
I also used to live my life at the mercy of my emotions.
Lost at sea, battered by wave after wave, just trying not to drown.
Doing my best to present a neat little package of who I was and how well I had my shit together’, while underneath the surface I was just clinging on for dear life.
But just like surfing, with practice we can learn to surf the waves of our emotional world with a bit more grace.
Here are some reflections from a weekend in the ocean.
1. Not all waves are equal.
One of the skills of surfing is knowing which wave to catch.
The skilled surfer sits patiently on their board, allowing wave after wave to pass under them. Waiting for the right moment. Expending the least amount of energy possible. Not trying to catch every one.
You see, each wave is different. Sometimes the wave is just too small and not worth bothering with. Sometimes the crest is ten feet too far to the left. Sometimes the wave breaks too early or too late.
The mistake of the novice surfer is trying to catch every wave, and in so doing not only missing the good waves, but also exhausting and frustrating themselves.
We all do this. We try to cling on to every opportunity that comes our way, without examining whether it’s the right time, the right place, or even the right thing for us to be doing.
You fight against every challenging feeling you experience, saying things to yourself like ‘just get on with it’ and ‘stop worrying about it’.
You chase after good feelings, even when you know in your heart that the reward won’t taste that sweet when you get there.
With practice, you can choose which waves to chase and which to let simply pass you by.
2. Commitment vs attachment
I sit on my board, observing. Waiting. Ready.
And then I see it. The perfect wave approaches, and it looks like it will break in the right place and the right time.
I commit.
But it doesn’t happen. I start paddling too late. I catch the wave but fall over as soon as I try to stand up. I misjudged it and it turns out not to be the perfect wave I thought it was.
I have two options in this moment.
I can get angry and frustrated, this is the 5th one in a row! I can berate myself for being a terrible surfer, and pass judgement that this isn’t for me and I’ll never be any good.
Or.
I learn from the experience, I grow, and I paddle out to try again, with more wisdom, more knowledge.
The difference is attachment.
If I’m attached to each wave, each opportunity that comes, and I link my value as a surfer, as a business owner, as a human being to that wave with a pass/fail standard, then there is no room for growth.
If I’m committed to the process, and can release the attachment to success or failure, then I can save the energy of frustration and anger and channel that same energy into the next wave, and the next, and the next.
I can choose to feel joy for the exercise, gratitude for the growth, and anticipation for the next wave.
3. A face full of water
Paddling out into the surf is a vulnerable thing to do. Each wave crashing in is immeasurably more powerful than me. And it can feel like it has one goal, to kill me.
Getting out through the surf requires a lot of energy, and the willingness to be slammed in the face by a wall of white water every 10 seconds. Being knocked backwards and pushed underwater by the force of the wave. Fighting to get back to the surface and back on the board.
However the ocean has nothing against me, and it is only by subjecting myself to its power that I can become the expert surfer I want to be.
So often in life, we want to be an expert surfer, but we are not prepared to face the waves.
We are not willing to be vulnerable, to accept and revel in our weaknesses and turn them into strengths.
We wish things would be different without doing anything differently.
There is great strength in vulnerability. Just ask Brené Brown.
4. What got you here won’t get you there
After our first session with the shorter boards, we decided to get a lesson.
We realised that there were some fundamental differences between riding a longboard and a short one, which would have taken a lot of trial and error, a lot of time and a lot of patience to figure out on our own.
We could have blundered on, not knowing why the things we were trying weren’t working. Getting ever more frustrated and blaming ourselves.
Thankfully we were able to see that we didn’t know what we didn’t know, and the only way to change that was by getting outside help.
The skills and techniques we had already accumulated riding longboards were actually holding us back from success at this new level.
Again, this is the same in life.
Whether you are scaling a business, or looking for a deeper and more connected relationship, what got you here won’t get you there.
And the mistake so many people make is to assume that if they just get better at what they are already doing, that’s enough.
But it doesn’t work that way.
Dr. Joe Dispenza says “If you want a new outcome, you have to break the habit of being yourself and re-invent a new self”
And the quickest, easiest and least frustrating way to do this is to work with someone who has already trodden that path.
You cannot see into your own blindspots, any more than I can see into mine, and whether you are learning to ride a shortboard or looking to discover how much it is possible to feel, coaching is the way to become the new self who can do those things.
So here’s my offering to you.
If you feel lost at sea, at the mercy of the tides of your emotions, then join me for my 30 day come home to yourself challenge.
In just 10 minutes a day, I’ll teach you how much control you actually have over the way you feel, and how creating the space to feel the uncomfortable feelings is a rocketship to the freedom, creativity and love that you desire.
In 30 days, and for just $97, you will revolutionise the way you look at life. You’ll learn to see opportunity where before there was simply a wall of whitewater. You’ll find freedom where before you felt trapped. You’ll discover confidence where before there was only fear.
Let me be your guide as you learn to surf the waves of your inner world.