Yesterday I hiked one of BC’s crown jewels, up to Garibaldi Lake.
It’s not a particularly challenging hike. Even though there’s over 1000m of elevation gain, the gradient is pretty comfortable all the way up, but the reward is spectacular.
Even on a dreary, overcast morning, the views from the shore of the frozen lake were spectacular.
Despite already being at 1600m above sea level, the lake is surrounded by mountains, some of them 2500m high.
It really is an impressive cauldron.
It’s been on my list since I first came to Canada. A tick on any hiker’s bucket list.
But as always with these things, the opening of one door leads to many new doors.
And as an enneagram 7 (ask me more about that if you’re interested) I’m all about new doors.
It’s one of the things I love and hate about travel and new experiences in general – the more you experience, the more you realise there is to experience.
Or in other words, the more you explore possibility, the more possibility exists for you.
So I’m at the lake, chatting with someone who has done a LOT more hiking in the area than I have, and he tells me about a route that not many people do, along the ridge that surrounds the lake, taking in several of these large mountain peaks along the way.
And boom…something new exists for me, a new possibility emerges, a bigger goal, a new dream.
In achieving one dream, even a small one, the door to the next level is opened.
THE POSSIBILITY HANGOVER
Something I deal with all the time, not only in the work I do with clients, particularly at the early stages, but also EVERY TIME a new possibility is opened up for myself, is a possibility hangover.
Here’s how it goes for me:
1) A door is opened – a new vision for what could be possible is explored
2) The new possibility is exciting, motivating and inspiring
3) I return to ‘normal life’, and ‘reality’ kicks in
4) Fears, doubts, and insecurities start to creep in – “what if I can’t do it?”
5) I start to create a story about the new possibility – “I don’t really want it”, “It’’s too dangerous/expensive/out there”
and my personal favourite; “I’m not ready – when things settle down THEN I’ll go for it”
6) Etc etc etc
The new idea gets stuffed into the box full of ‘one day’s’, ‘maybe’s’ and ‘ideas’ and never gets acted on.
I’m in stage 4 currently with the idea to traverse the ridge I mentioned before. And in various stages with all kinds of other possibilities in relation to my life, my relationships and my business.
This is where coaching comes in. This is in fact the most powerful work you’ll do with a coach.
I’m getting much better at supporting myself through stages 4-6, and coming through to stage 7 – where I take action and make the new possibility into a new reality.
I did it last week, when I went camping and hiking in the wilderness for the first time alone.
I do it every day, when I take a risk in my business, or when I ask for what I REALLY want.
But I still need the support of my coaches, to help me see the ocean of bullshit I am creating around what I can and can’t do. What I can and can’t achieve. What I can and can’t create.
They help me to remind myself why my dreams are important. To see that they are in fact closer than I imagined. To be accountable to myself in the pursuit of the life I desire. To notice the inconsistencies between the way I talk, the way I act, and the way I BE.
THE VULNERABILITY HANGOVER
Brené Brown says that if you don’t feel a vulnerability hangover, you haven’t been honest enough. You haven’t gone far enough. You haven’t played big enough.
A vulnerability hangover is that feeling of “I’ve shared too much.”
That raw, sinking feeling of being exposed and disoriented.
It is distinct from, but often goes hand in hand with, the possibility hangover, because often to get to new possibility, we have to explore new levels of vulnerability.
Sharing our dreams, our passions and our desires is a vulnerable act. And when we do so, it is all too easy to project our own fears and insecurities about our ability to follow through on our dreams onto other people.
This leaves us feeling judged, open to criticism and ashamed for wanting something that clearly we can never have. (Spot the saboteur voice here)
One of my dreams, which I have written about before, is a longitudinal circumnavigation of the globe, using wind power only.
I held that dream inside myself for almost 10 years. Terrified of what people would think of me if I let it out.
Inside, I didn’t feel like it was possible for me. Dreaming felt dangerous. I was worried that if I spoke it into the world someone else with more skill, more experience, and more guts would do it first.
When I did finally share it for the first time, and even as I write this now I feel that tingly, anxious feeling…WHAT WILL YOU THINK!!!???
But here’s the rub…think about it right now, as you read this, as you read about my desire to be the first person in the world to use wind power to ski from the south pole to the southern ocean, get into a sailing boat and navigate the Atlantic, the Northwestern passage and the pacific, before skiing back to the south pole.
What does it make you feel about me?
And what would it make others feel about YOU if you spoke YOUR desires into the world?
Maybe you secretly wish you could do something similar and hearing me share it gives you more strength to pursue your goals.
Maybe you can help, you know someone I need to talk to.
Maybe you feel admiration, jealousy, inspiration.
And sure, maybe you do feel judgement, that it’s not possible, that I’m a fool, that I could never possibly do it…or whatever.
Will you reply to this and let me know?
And if you’re feeling really brave, tell me what your biggest dream is. The one you’ve never told anyone about. The one that scares you. The one that, when things settle down for you, you’ll be able to start thinking about. That one.
I promise I won’t judge you, whether you do or don’t.
Love,
Tom